发布时间:2017-02-05 来源: 幽默笑话 点击:


搞笑英语话剧剧本《 荆珂刺秦王》 旁白(Aside )/介绍(Introduction): Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous sword

搞笑英语话剧剧本《 荆珂刺秦王》

旁白(Aside )/介绍(Introduction): Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman剑客 and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth.

Action I

太子丹(上,掏出镜子梳头,做自恋状):Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音:It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! (面对观众) I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister?

阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming.

太子丹:I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!

阿三:Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~(作杀状)

太子:Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!(二十一世纪最需要的是什么,人才!然后拍阿三肩膀,做赞许状) Good idea! But who is the right candidate?

阿三:After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.

太子:Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?


Action II(《十(转 载 于:www.nmgsyfdc.com.cn 蒲 公英文 摘:英语幽默话剧带翻译)面埋伏》中刘德华&金成武决斗时的音乐)


Are you Li mochou?




OK. I’m Jingke, you know, I will let you know I am the king of the killers’ world.


Are you challenging me?


Off course! 耸耸肩表示同意


Come on!



“人在江湖漂啊,哪有不挨刀啊,一刀砍死你啊,两刀砍死你啊。。。。” 李莫愁倒地


李莫愁痛苦状:What happened? Why aren’t you hurt?

荆轲: We don't need any reason to win a person. Don't we? Do we? (赢


李莫愁:Momma always said: "Life is like a box of chocolates, Mochou. You never know what you're gonna get." I got it, Momma is right. 轲再次大笑

太子丹上(抱拳):How are you?

荆柯:Fine, thank you, and you?

太子丹:Oh my God! Could you give me an innovative answer to “How are you”?


太子丹:How are you?

荆柯:Fine, thank you, and your wife?


荆柯:Hey, man, I’m kidding!

太子丹:Oh, I’m kidding too!(毕恭毕敬)May I have your name card, please? 荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸,上面写着:

To be or not to be, that's a question.

阿三:Hero,we need your help.

荆柯:I am busy now!

太子丹:You can get a lot of money.

荆柯:I am very busy now!

阿三:IC, ID, IQ card?

荆柯:I am very very busy now!

阿三(手指上场的美女,激动状): Look! She is the most beautiful girl in the world. If you say O.K., she is yours.

荆柯(流口水):I have to say she is a very sexy and beautiful girl, but TCM is my only love!

阿三:What? What’s the TCM?

荆柯; Hey, guy! You look so smart but why you didn’t know TCM? Any of them can give you the answer.

阿三:Excuse me? What’s the TCM?

观众甲:TCM - Traditional Chinese MM .

太子丹:I must show you the trump card. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lipton Slimming tea. It is a brand new product of Unilever China.

荆柯(激动):Slimming减食疗法 tea! I have dreamed of it for thousands of times. My wife always threatens to leave me if I couldn’t reduce my weight.

阿三:You want? Speak up if you want! Why do you keep silent? Why are you looking at me? Although your eyes are full of sincerity, I’m very glad, you still have to speak up. Take it! Do you really like? Really?你不是真的想要吧?难道你真的想要吗??

荆柯(诚恳状) Just tell me what should I do? I will do anything for you. 太子丹与阿三(撞胯,击掌)Yeah!

Action Ш(《大话西游》主题曲响起)


阿三:Hero, we have already reached Yishui River.

荆珂:Just stop here, please. Farewell, my friends

太子丹:I will miss you, baby.



荆珂(急忙收敛):Darling, I love you.

妻子:I love you! You mean more to me than anything in this whole world!(《肖申克的救赎》)

荆珂(流泪) :I love you more. In spite of you and me and the whole silly world going to pieces around us, I love you. (哪怕是世界末日我都会爱着你,选自《飘》)

妻子:Well. Be a man, just do it! I will be right here waiting for you. 荆珂(欲走还留,执子之手又曰):Sweetheart! You must do me this honor... promise me you will survive... that you will never give up... no matter what happens... no matter how hopeless... promise me now, and never let go of that promise(泰坦尼克号沉船时,Jack对Rose的倾诉).

妻子:"I promise."

荆轲:"Never let go. “妻子:"I promise. I will never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."

(荆轲的发音和jack很像,所以加了一些《泰坦尼克号》的台词。) 妻子努力挤出几滴眼泪,


妻子:It’s a good day to die. Never come back. Never?? Never?? 妻子(掏出手机拨号,阿三接手机): Thank you very much. As soon as I get the life assurance $1000, 000, I will transfer half of it, $500,000 to your account.



Scene1(At Salesman’s home)

N: In a dark dirty house, there lived a small, dirty salesman. He always makes unhealthy candies and sells them to the students. He has a lot of money now. But how does he make the candies? Oh, xu …… He is coming! S: Hello, do you know me? No? Oh, let me tell you .I’m the famous candy salesman at the school gate. My candies are very popular,(展示),I don’t know why. The foolish students always come here. I’ll be a boss soon! Candy, money, candy, money……

Oops! It’s time to make candies now.(看表)

First, put the flour on the table.

Then, water, sugar, flour.(边说边做)

Now press, press……

Oh, my dirty hands! Never mind! Just do it!(满不在意的神情)

Press, press……

Oh, my god!Never mind! Just do it!

Press, press, the children will not know it , it’s OK,hehehe…… Now let me cut it into pieces


白雪公主与七个小矮人 Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs 英文短剧本

旁白:Once upon a time, there was a queen. She had a pretty daughter named Snow White. Soon after the child was born, the queen died. The queen married another queen. The stepmother was very jealous. She dressed Snow White in rags and forced her to do the housework all day and all night, such as sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on. 白雪:( Sweep and mop the floor, do some cleaning, carry water and so on.) 皇后:I’m the new queen. I’m very beautiful. you see. If anyone is more beautiful than me, I’ll kill her. I have a magic mirror. If I want to know something, It will tell me surely.Now, mirror, mirror, come here! 魔镜:Yes, I’m coming. Your Majesty! What do you want to know? 皇后:Mirror, mirror, on the wall.Who is the fairest of the all?

魔镜:Yes. Your Majesty! You are the fairest of all, I think.But there is a young lady. She is as white as snow, as red as rose and as black as ebony.She is much more beautiful than you.

皇后:She is much more beautiful than me?Who is she? Tell me quickly.


Global warming

A. Class begins, good afternoon everyone.

B. C. D :Good afternoon, teacher.

A. First, I will ask you a question: What is the serious problem nowadays ?

B. I think it’s the problem of environment pollution.

A. It’s related to our correct answer. But it isn’t correct one.

B. Is it the problem of population increasing?

A. No.

C. Oh. I got it. It’s global warming.

A. Right! Global warming is one of the serious problems nowadays. Because……

B. Teacher. I have a question. It was very cold indeed this winter. I think it’s global cooling!

A. You got the wrong concept. Global warming doesn’t only mean that the weather is getting hot, but also mean that the weather is out of control. So it will be sometimes very cold.

B. Teacher. What causes “ global warming”?

C. I know. Now people drive too many cars and the exhaust gases discharged by the cars and lorries pollute the air and also destroy the nature. It causes global warming.

A. You are right. Do you know what will happen with the global warming?

B. Yes. The ices in South Pole are going to be melted and at the time, many islands will be gradually flooded with water. Human will have no places to live.

C. Surely, we don’t want that will happen.

A. What sould we do to stop “Global warming”?

B. I think we can protect the environment from ourselves. We can plant trees

C. When we are protecting the environment, we are saving ourselves.

A. Ok. Students, we can’t only speak but not do later . Let us go planting trees.

D. Oh, teacher! Tomorrow is March the twelfth, it’s tree-planting day!

A. Yes! Now all of you know the importance of protecting the environment.

B.C.D.Let us do our best to stop “Global warming” and make our earth a lovely homeland!

A. That is good . I hope you all will be succeeded in protecting the environment. Now the class is over bye-bye students!

B.C.D. good bye. Teacher.


Narration: Carrie, Cici and Wing are co-worker of a company. This day they are talking in the office.

Ca: Bingo! I finally finish this case. It is really tough! I have not slept well for almost a week.

Wing: Me too .I always get so busy in this season. I have drunk three cups of coffee in order to keep awake.

Ci: Our boss must be enjoying his holiday in Fiji very much. What do you think he will feel when he comes back to see our case?

Ca:Of course he will feel surprised and give each of us a promotion. Wing: Come on, he is a devil, how could he do this to us? Anyway, we should award ourselves for these days hard work!

Ca: You are right. Let’s pig out on junk food!

Wing: I have stayed in China for a whole year and I miss my hometown. I miss German food!

Ca: so do I .how much I love French food!

Ci: I have not eaten German or French food before. Do you have any recommendation?

Ca: If you visit France or go to a French restaurant, snails, cheese, and goose liver and red wine are the best choices.

Wing: You also can’t miss the famous German sausage, ham and blue checse Ci: They all sound yummy. But do you know what Chinese eat when they miss their families?

Wing&Ca: No

Ci: The answer is dumplings!

Ca:Well ,I heard that before though I haven’t tasted .

Wing: Can you make dumplings, CiCi? Would you make some for us? I have been longing for dumplings for a long time.

Ci: Aha, it is as easy as a pie for me .what about coming to my house tonight? We can make dumplings together. I will teach you how to cook it.

Ca: Great! That is fantastic. Then it will be the first time to make and eat dumplings

Wing: Very good idea! We could busy some basic ingredient at the supper

market after work.

Ci: Sure.We need flour, yeast, pork, cabbages, vinegar, sauce and ginger. (The three colleagues had their shopping and now they are in CiCi’s house) CiCiours some pour on the table and said:”Carrie, can you fetch some water here?”

Ca: sure, here you are .what s next?

Ci:Ci:we have to mix the flour yeast and water together .be careful ,don’t add too much water.

Ca: Okay, I’m kneeing the dough repentedly.it is becoming and softer Wing: Yeah, I am cutting the pork into many small pieces, and then I will add several spoons of oil in it .shall I blend them?

CiCi: Yes, make sure they blend well. A bit salt and a spoon of vinegar are needed, too.

(an hour later)

Ca: Yes, the dumplings are prepared .lets start!

CiCi: Wait! I remember well that you all miss the food from your hometown.Look, what are these?

Ca: Wow! Cheese! Where did you get it? And my favorite red wine. Wing: God. Those are sausage and ham, I can’t believe it!

CiCi: Haha, it is a big surprise, isn’t it? Now ,we are got all three countries’ food ready.

Ca: So it is a complete big meal.

Wing: An unforgettable banquet in my life. Let’s cheers!

Ca, Ci, Wing: Cheers!



Peter and the Wolf

all : I’ll tell you a story. It is “Peter and the Wolf” Peter: Good morning everyone. What a fine day! How beautiful the green lawn is! Bird: Good morning, Peter.

Peter: Good morning, Bird.

Bird: It’s a fine morning, isn’t it! All is calm. All is beautiful. Duck: I’m a duck, you see. Peter forgot to lock the door. Now I’m free. How I want to have a good bath in the pool!

(Duck jumps into the pool.)

Bird: Hi! Who are you? You can’t fly?

Duck: Aren’t you a bird! You can’t swim? You see. I can.

Bird: You are a fool.

Duck: I’m clever. You are a fool.

Bird: You are a fool.

Duck: I’m clever. You are a fool.

(At this time, a black cat is coming quietly.)

Cat: Yeh. They are quarrelling. So I have no trouble catching them. Look at me, please. Peter: Take care, Bird. Be careful, Bird.

(So the bird flies away.)

Duck: You are a thief. Why don’t you catch that bird?

Bird: You are a robber. Why don’t you rob me?

Cat: Should I go to catch the bird? Should I? I’m afraid when I get there, the bird will fly away. Grandfather: Peter, you see. It is very dangerous here. The duck is running into the pool. If a wolf comes, what should you do then?

Peter: I’m a young pioneer. I’m very brave. How can I dare a wolf?

(A few minutes later. A very big, cruel wolf comes siletly. The black cat runs away quickly.) Cat, Bird: Oh,! Wolf!

Duck: Oh! My dear. The wolf is coming. Let me run quickly.

(How can a bird run so fast! Look, the wolf has caught the bird, and eaten him up.)

Wolf: How I am satisfied! But I still want to catch the bird andthe black cat.

(Now Peter and the grandfather see what has happened. They have a good idea now.)

Peter: Bird. Please fly over the wolf’s head. You can fly around and around him. But you should be careful enough.

Bird: Wolf. Wolf. Can you catch me? You are a fool! Can you catch me? Catch me!

(The wolf is so angry that he jumps up and down. At this moment. Peter and his grandfather throw a rope and catches the wolf.)

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